


unrequited denial

by exdemonofheaven



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Rating May Change, Universe Alteration, also, and make it something that you'll remember, as well as archive warning, but not until i am complete with this fanfic, did i forget to mentions that several details may be changed, i don't want to spoil so i'm not going to give many tags, it's basically an angst pool, just to fit with the idea, please note that this fanfic has universe alterations, so yeah kind of like universe alterations, that outsiders quote though, trust me when i say i am trying my hardest to make this realistic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-08-24 13:14:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8373547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exdemonofheaven/pseuds/exdemonofheaven
Summary: Kageyama doesn't love Hinata.Hinata doesn't feel the same way.  "I lie to myself all the time. But I never believe me." ― S.E. Hinton, The Outsiders Trigger Warnings will not be placed until fanfiction is complete, in fear of possibly spoiling it for anyone who may read. I will most likely put trigger warning in a beginning note, however, so please be aware and careful. First few chapters are generally safe.





	1. one.

His heart is in his throat. His hands are sweaty and nothing can control the absolute nausea working its way into Kageyama's stomach. And maybe even his lungs, too, because he could have sworn it wasn't this hard to breathe just a few seconds ago. In fact, a few seconds ago, words were falling out of his mouth without much thought. Kageyama tried to steady himself, recalling all that had been said in his (abruptly ended) conversation with Hinata.

"You have got to be kidding me," Hinata laughed. Raw, uncut, and totally not from happiness. Tobio saw the glint in his eye; he knew this was no joke. The best thing he could do for both of them was leave. Right now. They had discussed this particular matter far too much, and the air was starting to get a bit too dense for not only Kageyama, but the bubbly spiker as well. Sugawara stared between the both of them, first at Hinata who was obviously trying his best not to cry but also Kageyama who was putting on the best poker face he could muster.

"What's going on here?" The third year asked, hoping it was a friendly feud, yet knowing it was anything but.

"Nothing," Kageyama's monotone lie cut through not only his teeth but also the air, like a knife in butter, except this butter was extra salted and cold. The kind that melted easily when put under too much heat. It was a strange comparison, but one he made nonetheless. "I just misplaced a ball and blamed Hinata. My bad. Sorry."

That was where he messed up. Tobio did know how to apologize, he had done it a few times on and off court, but this was different. The way he said it gave off the red flag that any mother crow would respond to, especially Suga. Correction. _Definitely_ Suga.

However, now was not the time. Not for Kageyama, anyway.

"If you two have something to work out, I can-"

"I have to go."

Without another word, he grabbed his sports bag and rushed out the door, hearing Suga rush to comfort a crying Hinata like he always did. This was all becoming too routine. Tobio always felt lightheaded when these types of arguments happened between him and Karasuno's decoy. For one, they were very _very_ different from those they had in the past. Secondly, Hinata always started them. That wasn't an exaggeration, he _always_ started them. Not purposely, but he would bring up their current "situation", as he liked to call it, and Kageyama would try and avoid it to the best of his ability which would in turn make Hinata angry and cause him to say something that was true and frustrating and Tobio would have to say what he always said so he could quiet the other down.

_I don't love you._

It wasn't hard to say. At first it had been, but Kageyama thought- er, _knew_ it was just because he had never truly said the word love around Hinata. Besides, who says that sort of thing to their volleyball teammate? Now, it was, like said before, routine. He would sometimes even shut out parts of the conversation because he couldn't stand having to look up and see Hinata's face get more and more red, tears building up in his eyes. Kageyama couldn't stand the idea of his friend not accepting that he didn't love him. He just didn't. Whatever had been said in the past, whatever had happened at that party three months ago, it didn't change anything.

_I don't love him._

A car beeped outside. His heart stopped. He usually left practice much later than most of his teamates, but today he had left earlier because of several different reasons. However, he still didn't expect to see his father's grey Porsche parked in the school's entrance. In a split second, Tobio connected two and two together and realized that if Hinata ran out at any given moment with some unreliable source of confidence (though unlikely), anything he did would cause grief for him at home.

_Why am I thinking about him?_

"Hey," His father's voice came like another shockwave in an already chaotic tsunami. It wasn't particularly friendly, but it also wasn't too rough either. This was the voice of a man who wanted something but knew it wasn't going to be easy to get. Kageyama would describe it as the type of voice you gave the banker when he is checking your credit score. Fake polite. And if most people don't get the results they want, well...

"...H-Hey..."

"...Your, uh, your mom said you'd be here." They were pulling out of the school now, and Tobio looked at the light from the court coming through the open double doors one more time, before they faded away from his sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to give the correct feel of what KageHina will be going through in this fanfiction.  
> I still haven't decided if this story will have a schedule, so, bear with me as I try to upload  
> the few chapters I have written on this. I usually type them out on my phone, so pardon  
> any errors or lack of long chapters.  
> I recently started Yuri On Ice as well so perhaps I'll be inspired by that as well.  
> You never know.  
> Hope you enjoyed!  
> \- Keith


	2. two.

Hinata's shoulders are rising with each hiccup and it's just paining Suga to watch. The decoy is grabbing at the front of his uniform, already sweaty and sticking to his skin from practice, but that doesn't bother either of them. Not at this moment. The air was dense, too dense. Hinata could feel the words of his earlier conversation with Kageyama still floating in the air. The hardest to breathe in being a blatant lie; _I_ _don't_ _love_ _you_ _._

It had to be a lie. It had to. Kageyama loved him. _Loves_ him. Why was he being so stubborn? How could he deny what had happened? What they had done? How could Kageyama act like he hadn't kissed him under the moonlight, made him feel like a prince, and took him to heaven in one night? None of it added up, and his tears only grew in amount. Hinata gripped to Suga tightly, and sobbed even harder into his older teammates chest. What else was there to do? His heart hurt too much to help his brain. And without his brain, how was he going to function at all?

It didn't take long for Hinata's sobs to attract his other teammates' attention. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi had left quite a while ago, meaning that the first to react were Tanaka and Nishinoya, who Suga passed Hinata onto with great trust. The boy was a mess; orange hair no longer chipper and happy, but more of an orange blob above his forehead, along with snot and tears mixing in with unheld saliva. It was truly a disgusting, sad scene to behold.

Tanaka nonetheless wraps his arms around the kid, along with Nishinoya who tried to give comforting words. The whole situation had been explained to them before, but they never realized how bad it could, and would, get. Suga, on the other hand, was already looking for ways to fix the unresolved problem.

* * *

"I can't stand another night of this." He finally admitted to Daichi, who was standing beside their fellow third-year, Asahi. "Hinata is a wreck, Kageyama has been an emotionless statue lately, and the whole team is going to suffer if we don't take matters into our own hands."

"Have they ever really talked about what's going on?" Asahi suggested. "Like, actually sitting down and having a heartfelt conversation?"

Daichi sighed, "I don't know if any of the conversations have been _heartfelt_ , but I do know that any sort of explanation Hinata tries to get from Kageyama turns into an emotional massacre."

This time, it was Suga's turn to sigh, with a hint of a groan. "It's been _three_ months. _Three._ The two have not explained themselves to each other, they have not talked about what they are feeling, and they have not interacted well both outside and inside of volleyball." He pointed towards the net. "I've had to set for Hinata because Kageyama doesn't have the guts to be near him!" With a breath, Suga proceeded, "I want- no, I _need_ to know what happened at that stupid party that has both of them like this. It isn't normal, and it isn't healthy, and I want it resolved."

Daichi had never seen his teammate so angry, neither had Asahi. The two didn't speak for a minute, and then two minutes, and then three minutes. Suga was about ready to start another angry rant if not for the raven-haired that put up his hand, to pause him, and said, "I have an idea."

* * *

He hasn't been in his own dining room for so long that Kageyama had started to confuse it for the living room. His mother on one side, father on the other. Food lay on a plate before him, as well as in front of his parents. He had been sweetly reminded by his mother to give thanks for the food, while his father told him to hurry up and eat.

This was suspicious. Don't get him wrong, he had always wondered why most of his friends weren't available at this time of night because of such a thing called "dinnertime", but he could have never imagined that it was the same thing at that wretched thing called "family time" that father stopped participating in when he turned five.

"How was your day at school, sweetheart?" His mother's soft voice broke the tension. His father gave a grunt, and muttered something about her being too soft, before continuing to eat. Kageyama almost held back his tongue in fear of angering his father further, but spoke nonetheless.

"It was alright. We learned a few things in English that I didn't quite understand. Also, in volleyball, we-"

A snort. He had definitely heard a snort when he mentioned volleyball. Turning his head slowly, he looked up to see his father chewing at him with a hidden glare. Kageyama swallowed, and decided to see what was so funny.

"Yes, sir?" The tremble in his voice was hardly there. To him, at least.

"Nothing, carry on."

Out of fear, he did. He talked about how he set to his teammate Asahi better than he had last month. He talked about how Tanaka and Nishinoya have worked out their own combo. He talked about how Ennoshita has taken a small vacation to America and plans on being back by the end of this month. He talks until his father stops him with one question, and shatters his illusion of dinnertime.

"How would you feel about playing basketball instead?"

Suddenly, it was clear. Practically crystal. Kageyama felt stupid for thinking his father actually cared enough to have him eat with them. His face went red with embarrassment from thinking that his father might actually be worried about their relationship. When, obviously, this was about that long unspoken feud he had against his son's taste for volleyball.

In fact, he choked on a piece of tofu.

"Wh-Wha-"

"I hear they're taking new members. Auditions start next week."

"Wh-Why would you say that?" Kageyama forced a laugh, and grit his teeth, praying with the last part of him that hoped his father was joking. That hoped his father was only giving a silly suggestion to make him laugh. That hoped his father wasn't saying what he was really saying as he added,

"Because it's better."

With that, the room went silent again. Kageyama looked at his plate, and imitated the sound of his father's plate as he stabbed another piece of tofu and chewed silently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am terribly sorry for taking so long to update.  
> Life and school are getting to me, and this is the only thing  
> that let's me relax. I really do hope you understand.  
> Things are just getting heated, so please look forward  
> to more updates!!  
> \- keith


	3. three.

It's boiling. His head is hot enough to fry an egg upon, which is truly a great metaphor considering all the scientific proof that could debunk that as impossible. (Even if old cartoons, and some modern, still did it.)

Kageyama can feel his muscles tensing and relaxing. He can feel the rush of pure adrenaline in his arms, as well as chest. His head feels dizzy, from lack of sleep and food. Skipping breakfast was something he only did in extreme cases of anger. He didn't regret it, but he didn't exactly cherish the feeling. Nonetheless, he was at school. Fifteen minutes late, missing volleyball practice, and edging mindlessly towards his first period, but he was here.

The entire lesson could drag on as long as it wanted, but Kageyama wouldn't listen. He hasn't written a single pair of notes down, he hasn't looked anywhere but down at his hands, and the class is less distracting today. Usually, he would pay attention to every little noise or fleck of dust; today, Kageyama would rather notice the veins in his hands and the way his vision became red and blurry when he thought about his father and the royal way he carried himself. The cocky form his smiles held.

Tobio hated it. He hated the man he shared genetics with. He hated the man who brought money to their household, who thought he could get away with everything he did to both him and his mother emotionally because he "doesn't hit them" and he "pays the bills". He hated the man he had to call father around everyone else, but "Mr. Kageyama" when they were alone because the former was too "soft" for a growing, _masculine_ , tough boy like him. Kageyama thought about this all so much, that last night was the only night he had ever stayed up not thinking about _volleyball._

* * *

Hinata was better.

He wasn't fine, but he was better.

Kagayama hadn't showed up for practice at all, which made Suga sigh in annoyance and Daichi wince when he heard it. Asahi was more worried about Nishinoya or Tanaka rushing off to pummel Kageyama to a pulp.

However, it seemed like someone had already beat them to it.

While a heavily concentrated practice match was going on, the entrance door to the gym slid open and everyone turned to see who had walked in. Hinata's slightly sparkling and recovering eyes were suddenly glazed over with familiar shock and thin tears. Who else but Kageyama could bring those feelings; standing next to the principal, scowling like a delinquent caught smuggling drugs, blood running down the corner of his lip as well as the left nostril of his nose, wearing a a ripped uniform. The feature that stood out the most had to be his swollen black eye, which wasn't even squinting but would be bruised like hell for the next few days.

The principal, a middle aged man who stood taller than even Asahi, had a look of monotone disappointment, pulling Kageyama in front of him, still holding onto his arm. The boy hissed and turned back to glare at him. The club was shocked already, but confusion was a little more impulsing.

"I'm sorry, but what did-" Daichi started curiously, only to get interrupted by his superior.

"Take better care of your clubmates." The man snarled. "Not only has he fractured the jaw of a third-year, he is also the cause of a deep hole in the wall and a broken locker," He held up Kageyama's slightly bleeding fist, "with his own hands, of course. I have witnesses."

The team was left speechless, even Tsukishima who would have already commented on "The King's" behavior. Instead, the salty blond was left with his eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. The principal continued, gripping Kageyama harder by the shoulder, making him huff.

"This being a first offense, I would have left him off with detention. However," the air went dense, " seeing as he not only damaged school property, one of his peers, and referred to a teacher trying to control him as a 'female dog', I will have to give him a week's suspension from both school and clubs in general, are we clear?"

Kageyama, upon hearing this, must have felt even more angry, spitting some blood into the face of the man who was not only _his_ superior, but _everyone's_ superior, and watching as the man let him go and tried to rub the staining fluid from his eyes.

"God damn it!" That reminded him too much of his father, and something in Kageyama felt a little pleasure watching as the man struggled out the door, yelling back about how he was going to make it two weeks. He felt so pleased that a smile threatened to pull at his lips, something that didn't go unnoticed by Daichi.

Hinata was trembling now. The principal had already left the building, but the decoy didn't care as he yelled with all he could muster, "If you want him to truly feel punished, make him stand by me!" Tears clouded the ginger's vision and Suga had no time to comfort him as he rushed out the door. The vice-president bit his lip and looked at Daichi, smiling sadly, before rushing after his teammate. Tanaka and Nishinoya followed soon after, surprisingly quiet.

The rest of them stood in silence. Kageyama rolling his eyes, pretending like he didn't just try to swallow the ball of emotions in his throat, while Asahi, Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi watched in shock. Daichi was the only one to speak, just as Kageyama turned to leave,

"Twenty laps."

"I'm not staying for practice. Suspended, remember?" He didn't even look back, a hint of cockiness in his voice that sent Daichi insane with rage.

"You're not sick, you brought your current injuries upon yourself, and the suspension most likely won't be the worst punishment for you at all. Get changed, get on this court, and run twenty laps. Not tired after that? Keep going until I say." Then, for good measure, "I _will_ call your parents."

Daichi noticed how Kageyama stiffened, and almost regretted adding that last part.

For a moment, Kageyama pondered walking away, just like he wanted to. Then, he scoffed, rubbing some drying blood off his lips, and pushed past Tsukishima and Yamaguchi towards the changing rooms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry if this isn't angsty enough!!  
> Like I said, several universe alterations have been made to help  
> with the storyline.  
> I was planning on having a more "monthly" update schedule,  
> but that didn't sound very fun and I read all of you guys'  
> comments and got inspired to publish the next chapter!  
> Hope you enjoyed!  
> \- Keith
> 
> (P.s. For anyone who wants an update on my other story, I think I may be uploading one either today or tomorrow! Depends!!)


	4. four

Getting home was both a curse and a reward. For the first hour he was there, Kageyama thought about how he had only spit in the principal's face because he wanted more time away from school. Sure, it was also extremely satisfactory to watch a man that reminded him of his father to writhe around like that, but this was besides the point. Kageyama had always done what he could to be polite, even if his demeanor gave off something else with students. In fact, the only reason he had started fighting with that boy was because he was pissed. Kageyama still couldn't really believe he had called one of his teachers a _bitch_ _._ Not the worst he could have called her, but still bad. All of this over what, some undiscussed teammate issues with a certain orange-haired decoy? His family be damned.

The setter was brought out of his thoughts abruptly, with the door to his room opening and his graceful young mother walking in. She never failed to make the room feel calm, but, tonight, her usual motherly smile was replaced by a disappointed scowl. For a moment, she looked down, unsure of what to say, before words finally came from her bitten and nervous lips.

"I'm disappointed, Tobio."

 _You_ _can_ _pinpoint_ _the_ _exact_ second _her_   _heart_ _breaks_ _._ He had heard that phrase somewhere. Kageyama swallowed, dry, and opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. His mother continued,

"It's not my place to decide your punishment," Her voice sounded wavery, almost like when she watched her Korean dramas, but this was a lot more serious. "Your father will be up in a moment. He will decide."

"Mom-"

"I'll call you down for dinner."

And she left.

Kageyama didn't know what to make of it. His face was injured, most of his front torso felt and looked bruised to the discovery of the mother who took care of him silently, and his hand was left with a shaky feeling and one of the blood vessels had busted, so they put an ace bandage around because he refused any further treatment for it. Deep down, Kageyama could have sworn that he enjoyed feeling messed up. That he enjoyed getting what he deserved. He tried not to think about it too much, but something was whispering to him that he deserved ncuh worse, and that if he could just sneak to the kitchen and grab a small knife, he could-

The door opened again.

A large, male figure he knew as his father stalked in, not bothering to say hello or greet him like most father's would. Like in the movies Kageyama watched all the time, or the books they made him read in English. The air felt suffocating for some reason; stiff and void, almost like a dark paste. The young man found it hard to breathe, and the first few signs of asphyxiation bloomed in.

Suddenly, with a hearty and slightly humiliating laugh, his father hit him on the back with an aura of playfulness that Kageyama had never seen from him before. In awe, the young man ignored the pain blooming in his back and watched in admiration as his father smiled, and started,

"Son, I'm proud of you. Acting all manly like that," He looked down at him and grinned, "You should take boxing classes, after handling all that sissy bandaging stuff like that. Told your mom you wouldn't need it. No, sir, not a son like mine. We men heal naturally."

After a few more words of praise after his actions of violence had been judged negatively by so many people, Kageyama smiled along with his father. Something about making his parent proud of him after such a long time was riveting. Forget worrying about others, they would heal just like him. This was important. This was something. Something he wanted to keep doing and seeing. Something he would work everything in his body to accomplish.

Even if it meant hurting everyone he knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to apologize, but I have a feeling this isn't even that bad  
> of an angst chapter. But, hey, I love writing beat up character  
> descriptions. Oops...?  
> Anywhoozle, hoped you liked it!!  
> \- Keith


End file.
